Opinions and Controversy

I'm sure people will read this blog and say "so, why should I care." If you are that person then this blog isn't for you. It's not really for anyone but myself so that I can keep a detailed log of my thoughts.

I've decided to make the blog public and share this with people hoping that maybe there are other people out their either on Zoloft, considering it, or opposed to it. I hope that people that are on it read my experiences and can relate as maybe they've had similar experiences. For those considering it, I hope that this gives you a different perspective from the materials that our out there and a more real world take on the effects of this drug.

Now, for those opposed to it, I can see their points, but obviously they're not on it so they can't relate. Yes, Zoloft is a drug, and even though its considered non-habit forming the user is still reliant on the drug, for how long I don't know. Also, I hope those opposed read this and see the benefits or downsides of this drug has in a real world non clinical environment.

The hardest part for me when making this public was what if people I know read this. Well, for those people, I don't seek sympathy but understanding. For those that I have turned off in the past because of my behavior that you give me another shot. I also want to be honest with my friends so that they know what's going on. I believe that if I'm honest with others I'll be honest with myself and accept that taking this medication is helping and that there's nothing wrong with taking it as its only bettering who I am as a person.

Another thing, being unemployed I wonder if an employer would read this. Well besides the legalities behind it I hope that said employer will see the fact that I'm not hiding my problems but rather facing them head first and doing whatever it takes to correct that problem, or in this case behavior.

I think if anything, taking Zoloft has improved my overall quality of life, and if thats not enough reason for you, I don't know what is.

Day 1| 4/26

Recalling the weekend to the best I can.

Saturday 4/19-
The day started of with a long drive to see family in Los Angeles (referred to as LA from now on). I have a general disgust for LA for many reasons that alone could fill up an entire blog so I'll leave that for now. First thing I noticed on the drive was how much more focused I was on the road and the conversation I was having with my wife. Before my mind would race watching every building and store trying to understand what there business could be, how many people they employed, ect. Obviously this was somewhat dangerous as I wouldn't have 100% attention to the road and I was always distracted. On top of that I would have a conversation with my wife which I wanted to pay attention to.

So after the long drive we finally arrived at my mother's house for breakfast. Again my mind was more calm and focused then ever and I was able to carry out a conversation. When my mother said something I disagreed with it was so much easier to keep my mouth shut and let it be.

After a long afternoon and lunch we took an hour nap. I slept better then ever and fell asleep right away. Before it would take me at least 30 min to fall asleep regardless of how tired I was. We awoke from the nap and watched The Kite Runner.

It was like I had never watched a movie before. Not only was 90% of the movie subtitled but I was able to pay so much more attention to the plot line and character twists. Before I would watch a movie and like on the freeway look at every possible detail to understand it. I would look at the buildings and look for hints weather they were sets on a sound stage or shot on location. I would pay more attention to what characters were doing in the background, ect... Needless to say, it was a great movie and a real eye opening. I was able to easily stay awake throughout the movie, whereas normally I'd be fighting the feeling to sleep.

We then went out for a walk, which again felt like a whole new experience as I was able to enjoy the scenery without my mind racing. I was able to pay attention to the conversation my wife and mother were having without getting distracted or spacing out. Aside from getting fixed on finding an address I received in an email I was fine.

I was checking my email while we were walking (not the best idea, I know) when a friend emailed me a name of a park in Anaheim. I immediately had to find it. And although it would not come up in google maps or online I was persistent. Once I found the parks address it still did not come up in google maps. My wife noticed my frustration and quickly asked me to stop and pay attention to the sidewalk in front of us.

We came home from the walk, took a shower, and watch TV for a bit before having dinner. I helped my mom for a bit as we stayed up. We ended up going to bed at nearly 2am.

The Doctors Visit

I'm writing the following as if it were later that day 4/25:

I went to the doctor in the morning and explained to him about how I grew up, my work ethics, and the pains I was having. He said that from my speech alone it was apparent that I was Bi-Polar. He said that it was partly due to genetics and the way I grew up. He went on to explain that people like me tend to be good businessmen and entrepreneurs but didn't achieve their full potential because there mind was always racing so they often failed to complete large projects.

He also asked if I was depressive which I replied no because my definition of depressive is someone that has constant episodes of depression and constantly puts themselves down for nothing.

He prescribed me Zoloft and suggested that I start taking it for a trial period of 30 days. From there he said we would determine weather to continue on Zoloft or try another medication.

I went to Walgreens after the doctor and picked up my prescription. Thankfully my insurance paid for it in full!